I'm still not watching the show. I still think Sanjaya will win.
This episode featured Jennifer Lopez coaching the kids for Latin Night. Yikes. So Sanjaya decided to don Adam Morrison's Fisher Price My First Mustache and sing Besame Mucho. And the judges loved it. You know who they didn't love? The no-necked girl who's actually the best singer. It's a world gone mad!
So on Wednesday night, guess who was in the bottom three. Not Sanjaya, that's who! Not at all. Some chick named Haley got kicked off instead. Brilliant.
Tony Bennett is a Sanjaya fan. For reals, y'all. He said it on Tuesday's episode of American Idol, so it must be true. But really, I totally buy it. Tony Bennett is old. Unlike poor mortified Gwen Stefani, his legacy is secure, so who cares if some crazy kid in a Saturday Night Fever Suit wants to butcher a classic song? He didn't write it, so whatevs. Even if he did, who cares? He's Tony freakin' Bennett!
Then on Wednesday night, somebody named Gina got kicked off. I don't know who that is. I just know she's not Sanjaya and I'm pretty sure she's not the no-necked girl who was a back-up dancer for Prince or whatever and acts as though she's spent her life in a cage being beaten with pasta and has never heard a compliment in her life. She's a good singer, that one.
Awesome. Just freakin' awesome. I still can't be bothered to watch the show (after all, it would cut into valuable Law & Order Tivo-ing, and that is just unacceptable) but I check the YouTube to see what glory I have missed.
Last night Gwen Stefani filled the role most often inhabited by artists who end up on those compilations that Regis Philbin shills at three in the morning. She immediately regretted her decision to become Idol coach for a day when she realized that these kids would actually be singing her songs. Poor Gwen. At the beginning of the Sanjaya clip, the look on her face as she's talking about her experience with him is basically, "Fuuuuuck. What did I get myself into? Are people going to see this? Yes? #1 show in America? Fuuuuuuck."
Stefani's misgivings were clearly nothing more than the result of an artist being unnecessarily over-protective of her work. Because, really. The dude rocked it.
Okay, not really. But he's the cock of the walk!
I love how even Simon can't even be bothered to offer criticism or say anything mean at all. They've just surrendered to the Sanjayamania. Nobody's even pretending that he's in it for the singing anymore. To him, American Idol is nothing more than an extended audition for Hair Show 2: Faux-Hawktric Boogaloo.
I didn't see the show, as I was busy winning at Scrabble...again. It was the results show though, so the first 29.5 minutes are worthless anyway. All that you need to know is the drunken tranny soccer mom from hell, Sanjaya, stayed. Dude wasn't even in the bottom two. He is amazing and I 100% want him to win so I can watch Simon Cowell's head explode in a fit of British pique.
I haven't been watching Idol this season, partially because I don't care about the contestants and partially because I have way more than enough Seacrest in my life since his hostile takeover of E!. But last night, Gilmore Girls was a repeat, so I flipped over to Fox for about twenty seconds. That twenty seconds consisted of, "Holy Christ. That kid is beatboxing" and "Woah. Jennifer Hudson looks rough. I mean Mandisa looks rough. I mean, fuck, what year is this?" Then my brain leaked out of my eyeball. Because of this, I completely missed the creepalicious Sanjaya doing a fairly accurate impression of me at a karaoke bar at three in the morning after a couple pitchers of beer.
Now, the greatest thing about this isn't his Kamikaze-like performance, or his hair, or that there's a little girl crying. It's not even the look on the little girl's face that seems completely inappropriate for any situation other than getting ass-raped by a ghost. No, for me, the best part of this whole thing is that the cameramen WILL NOT STOP CUTTING TO HER. Not even a weeping Hasselhoff got this much screen time. The director was giving orders for multiple cameras to get in this poor girls face. It was beautiful. Because, really. Just think for a second about how fucking bored and annoyed these people must be all the time. I couldn't get through twenty seconds of staring at some kids spiky hair while he moonwalked? To the...side? I don't know. For the cameramen, getting a loving close-up on this dude's frosted tips is their job. A job for which I am positive they are not paid nearly enough.
