Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Movies, Movies, Movies

This past Sunday, I had the apartment and the day completely to myself. Basically everyone I knew was out of town doing stuff that's more fun than hanging out with me in Brooklyn, so I decided to take the advice that Kerri Kenney imparted to me in a long-ago episode of The State and decided to make friends with...myself.

Since I like to see movies and haven't been able to very often in recent months, I decided to head down to the theater. Seven hours later, I emerged. In that seven hours, I rode the elevator up and down and ended up seeing three movies, Live Free or Die Hard, License to Wed, and Ratatouille.

I'm not going to review these movies or give you synopses. For that, you could go to someone who actually knows what they're talking about. Instead, I'm just going to give you my basic impressions and whether or not I enjoyed it.

Live Free or Die Hard

This is the movie that I went to the theater and actually paid the $10.50 to see. I've never actually seen any of the Die Hard movies so this wasn't something I had been eagerly anticipating. At least, not until I saw the trailer.

The first time I saw it on the big screen was when my boyfriend and I went to see Knocked Up. My eyes were as big as saucers and I started shaking in my seat. I turned to him and said, "Honey. Did you see all of the shit that got blown up? OhmygodIhavetoseethatmovie." He just shook his head and laughed at me.

Let me tell you, I was not disappointed. It is probably the greatest film ever committed to celluloid. People got fucked up. Cars ran into helicopters, people fell down elevator shafts and shit got blown up. It was AMAZING and I kind of want to see it a million more times.

License to Wed

I know. This one is kind of embarrassing. But in my defense, it had lots of cameos by castmembers of The Office, and John Krasinski and Mandy Moore are both really pretty. I just wish someone would give her a decent movie role, because even though American Dreamz was underwatched and underrated, she really hasn't been in a good movie since Saved.

The thing I will say about this movie is it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I had prepared myself for ninety minutes of coke-fueled Robin Williams shtick, but was pleasantly surprised to see that the production crew had wisely invested in a tranq gun. While it did not stop him, it managed to keep him mostly restrained.

The characters were nothing more than Rom-Com archetypes and the plot was thinner than Nicole Richie, but it di
dn't make me want to kill myself, so I consider that to be a success.

But the poster still looks like the female reproductive system and that freaks me out.


Eh. It's no Finding Nemo, but then again, what is? It was a good movie with incredible animation. Marveling at the way they rendered the rat's fur alone is worth the price of admission.

Here's my main problem with it: The whole point of the movie is to not judge a book by its cover, that we can be anything we want to be. That's all well and good, but I still do not, under any circumstances, want a rat in my kitchen.

Maybe I would have been more open to the story if I didn't live in New York, or even if I didn't see that episode of 30 Rock where they talk about the Rat King. But I do, and I did, so...no. I pretty much spent half of the movie shivering and trying not to vomit.

I also never want to eat in another restaurant again. Ever.

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